The Psycho Killer of Haruhi Suzumiya
by 7MukuroRealm7
Summary: Haruhi goes out to search for a sea monster with the brigade in a forrest but instead she finds and escaped serial killer with a chainsaw and a HOOK! Haruhi and Kyon are now forced to solve the killers mystery. Inspired by an episode of TDI.
1. Chapter 1

Brian: This story was inspired by an episode of some cartoon I can't remember the name of. I just wrote this story to clear my bored mind in this godforsaken house that has absolutely no goddamn internet connection! This story was actually written well before it was published, but right now I'm in the Topika Airport, which, thankfully, has Wi-fi. But, you don't care. NOTE: THIS STORY IS NOT TO BE TAKEN SERIOUSLY.

Mukuro: Yup! That's right!

The Escape-of-the-psycho-killer-with-a-chainsaw-and-a-hook of Haruhi Suzumiya

AKA

Haunted Forrest Syndrome

* * *

"Alright, SOS brigade, let's move out!" Our brigade leader was now currently leading us up a humungous mountain, doing what she does best: being annoying.

Now, why are we climbing up a mountain, you might ask? The answer is quite simple. Haruhi, being the bipolar person that she is, went into a state of melancholia, due to the recent lack of mysterious things happening in her life. And that is what prompted her to find a newspaper article about a legendary lake in the forest, which holds inside it a ferocious sea monster. Oh, and by the way, did I mention that Koizumi just _happened_ to leave the article on her desk? I'll get him for that later. The day started out as any normal (?) day in the club would have.

* * *

Flashback

"Check" Koizumi said, grinning as he moved his knight onto my unprotected queen.

Bastard! If you win, you'll ruin my record, dammit!

"I'm very sorry, Kyon." He said, smiling in a way that told me he wasn't sorry in the least "but I have to at least _try _to beat you."

"Alright, it's decided!" Haruhi shouted from her newspaper so loud it almost caused me to fall out of my chair.

What's decided?

"The SOS brigade has been idle for too long!" Haruhi shouted, shoving some old newspaper into my face. "While we've been away relaxing, the mysterious phenomena have been lazy, and are beginning to be discovered! I won't stand for it, though! If there is anything mysterious going on, the SOS brigade will be the first to discover it! And so, Kyon, we have to go sea monster hunting! We'll need harpoon guns, and a speed boat, oh and the top quality radio equipment…"

I knew it was suicide, but I had to interrupt her.

Isn't this kind of dangerous?

"…and some food, some sea monster bait, hey, wait… I wonder what they eat, anyway? Well, they can just have some old sardines… and some camping gear, we might be up there for a while…"

Am I the only one in this place who has any common sense?

"Kyon, I need you to find some people we can mooc-borrow money from?" Haruhi said, apparently finished with her drabble.

Well…

"Oh, how about those two friends of yours… um… what were their names?"

If you're going to memorize my friends, you can at least remember their names.

"There's no time for that!" Haruhi shouted, about to go into some long speech when the door busted open.

"Hey, Haru-chan! I heard all abouts it!" Tsuruya-sans annotiing voice rang out from somewhere in the vicinity of the doorway.

"Oh, Tsuruya-san!" Haruhi said, momentarily distracted. "How's it going?"

"Oh it's going greats, nyoro! Now, about the trip, I can provide you with provisions, a high class boat, some radio equipment, and camping gear! Now about delivery…"

"Oh, that's fine, I'll just have Kyon do it!"

Whoa, wait a minute! Are you seriously going to make me carry a speedboat, several thousand dollars worth of radio equipment, and camping gear in a knapsack? What do I look like, Doraemon?

"Good point, you'll probably drop everything…"

"Okays, it's decided, megas! My personal van will drop everything off at the campsite."

Wait, do we get a ride?

"Of course not, Kyon! We need to keep everyone in tip top physical shape!" Haruhi then turned to the rest of the brigade. "Now, SOS brigade, we depart tomorrow!"

Flashback End

* * *

Tip top physical shape is one thing, but I did NOT sign up for this! I then pointed to my sister, who I was forced to carry on my shoulders.

"Kyon, what are you going to do about it?' Haruhi shouted, turning to look down on me. "You can't think of letting an eleven year old girl do something like this!"

I can't even imagine making a seventeen year old girl do something like this.

I then glanced down at Asahina-san, who was currently struggling to crawl up the mountain, having lost the energy to walk long before.

I will spare the details of our mountain climb, all I wanted to do was collapse inside my tent when we finally arrived, but I was in for another surprise.

"Two tents?" Taniguchi said, pointing at the two tents set up around the campsite. "So I have to sleep with these guys? He said pointing to the three other guys besides him.

What's wrong with us?

"What, you expected individual tents?" Haruhi said, giving Taniguchi her death glare.

"No, but I didn't want to be in the same tent with these idiots!" He said, starting to cry. "I should at least be paired up with Tsuruya or Asahina-sempai!"

"What exactly did you plan on doing to my brigadiers? Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeell?" Haruhi said, grinning her grin that meant someone was going to die.

"You know, sometimes I wish that some psycho killer would come and kill you guys!" Haruhi shouted, shaking Taniguchi back and forth.

Please don't say that…

* * *

That night…

"We interrupt whatever dull, boring radio program you may have been listening to too give you this news bulletin." The radio interrupted, sounding almost as if the announcer was laughing. "There has been a serial killer who has recently escaped prison on the loose, near the sea monster lake. If you see anyone wearing a hocky mask and carrying a chainsaw with a hook for a hand, please contact local authorities. That is all. Ahahaha! Now, to 'happy tunes' the tunes that will make you smile.

Haruhi switched off the radio. We all looked at each other for about a minute.

"Well, it's time to go to bed!" Haruhi said, walking to her tent.

"WHAT!" Taniguchi shouted, totally freaking out. But there's an escaped convict out here! With a chainsaw and a HOOK!"

"You heard the announcer laughing. It was probably just a joke." Haruhi said, zipping up her tent, with the girls inside it. Then, she stuck her head outside. "Oh, and if it isn't, we can just contact the police when we wake up."

"Actually, the radio we brought was a one way deal. We get transmissions, but we can't contact people." Tsuruya said from somewhere in her tent.

Oh, that's just great.

* * *

It is now currently 2:00 o'clock in the morning. And I cannot fall asleep. One reason was that Taniguchi made me leave the tent to be sentry duty for the killer. It is freezing cold out here, and everyone else is asleep. The other reason would be that Koizumi is keeping me company and talking to me philosophically.

"Well, Kyon, think about it this way. Even if there is a psycho on the loose, we have Nagato with us."

Good point.

"And, you've got me."

Not so good point.

"And look, you said it yourself. Haruhi would never wish for anyone to die, right?"

Yeah, I guess.

"See, look at that bird." He said, pointing to the owl on the branch several feet away from us. "If there was a killer here, that owl would know, right? So there's nothing to be afraid of, right?"

Right.

* * *

"Wrong." The man sitting at the computer console said, grinning. He was currently staring at Kyon through the tiny owl spy cam he had placed there.

He then brushed a lock of green hair out of his eyes and said, grinning, "my dear Kyon, you will find that there are many, many things to be afraid of. Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!

* * *

Brian: So, how was it?

Mukuro: I bet it's so good, you want to review just to say how good it is, right? Right?

Brian: Shut it. Review if you feel like it…


	2. Chapter 2

Brian: This is the second chapter in this completely pointless story designed totally for bored reasons. Normally, I wouldn't be updating on two stories in one day, but, hey, it's the weekend, right?

Mukuro: That's right! But to make it up to you, we have a brand new chapter, and we hope you enjoy it!

Brian: You forgot the disclaimer.

Mukuro: Oops! TMoHS does not belong to 7MukuroRealm7 it is property of Nagaru Tanigawa.

Hiruko: For now.

Mukuro: Get out! My story!

Brian: Please, just enjoy the new chapter. And review if you have the time.

The Escape-of-the-psycho-killer-with-a-chainsaw-and-a-hook of Haruhi Suzumiya

AKA

Haunted Forrest Syndrome

Chapter 2

* * *

Remind me never to listen to Koizumi again. It is currently 5:03 PM, and we have just finished running for our lives from a supposedly "non-existent" escaped convict.

He was exactly as was described on the radio. He was only about 5 foot 5, but there was no doubting the menace he was. He was covered from head to toe in blood, so much so that his blonde (?) hair was dyed an almost bright red. Also, his hook was rusted red with blood, looking like he had shoved it through many people before. But the scariest part of him was his chainsaw, all rusted and red from the blood he had ripped out of people's bodies. We probably won't live through this.

"Alright, I think he's gone." Haruhi was incredibly scared, so much so that I could swear that she was actually trembling. If we manage to get out of this alive, I have got to remember to tease her about it. But, as I said before, we probably won't survive.

"Suzumiya-san is right. I think it would be best to leave."

Yeah, keep talking, jackass. This whole thing is your fault, you know that, right?

"Kyon, I forbid you to talk that way to your vice-leader!" Haruhi shouted, turning around, glaring at me. "Just for that, you get the death penalty!"

What good is the death penalty if I'm going to die anyway? That doesn't seem too productive, anyway.

"You guys needs to be quiet, like, megas quiet!" Tsuruya-san shouted from her hiding place.

"Tsuruya, you n-need to be q-quiet, to…" Asahina-sans scared voice as so pretty, but I don't have time to think of the attractiveness of her voice, dammit! On the other hand, this might be the last time I hear her delightful voice, because the serial killer probably heard it, too.

"Wait, what's that?!" Haruhi shouted, pointing at the rustling in the bushes several feet away from us.

Well, at this point, I hope that I was good enough person to go up, not down. Oh, wait, Haruhi's god, right? Then that means that there's no such thing as an afterlife, so then what happens when I die? Or if Haruhi dies?! Then, the world depends on how well I can protect Haruhi, dammit! I can't deal with these dilemmas! I'm gonna get grey hair!

* * *

"So, brother, did you do what I asked of you?" The man said, grinning as he kicked his feet back on the desk next to the monitor.

"Of course, brother! You can count on me! After all, all I had to do was just run around and freak them out!" The serial killer said, grinning. "Oh, and Hiruko… can I take this mask off yet?"

"Oh, what the heck… take a break and let them get freaked out by their own imaginations, it'll make it more interesting to watch." Hiruko said, grinning.

"Good, I was getting tired." The serial killer then took off his hockey mask, revealing the face of a boy only about ten years old or so, with blonde bangs covered in blood filling out some of his face. "Oh, Hiruko, when you said let them get freaked out by their own imaginations, is that why you installed those machines in the bushes to make them shake?"

"No, I had nothing to do with that…" Hiruko said, a smile beginning to form on his face.

"So that might be a real threat?"

"Why, of course my dear Mukuro, of course." He then lay back in his chair and started laughing.

* * *

I stood there, staring at the figure emerging from the bushes, ready to run or fight if I needed to.

"No! Die!" Haruhi shot out from behind me like a bullet and started beating the shit out of the serial killer.

"Wait, Suzumiya-san! It's me!" I looked over Haruhi's shoulder at Taniguchi, or, at least, I think it was Taniguchi. It was about Taniguchi's height, its body shape was similar, and it was wearing the same clothes, but its face looked like some sort of monster, all hideous and bloody red.

After we got Taniguchi patched up, we found a new place to set up camp. Now, we just had one problem.

"Someone needs to go back and get the supplies." Haruhi then paused, looked around, and said "Kyon, go to our old campsite and get the supplies."

What?! Why do I have to do it?!

"No questions, just do it!"

So, that's how I found myself trudging back to our old campsite.

* * *

"Okay, now let's switch to the voice recording and holographic imagery." Hiruko said, flipping two of the switches on the control panel.

* * *

I had managed to get back to our old campsite and collect all the supplies, which was, luckily, pretty easy.

Now, I just had to get back. And, to top it off, it was getting dark.

"_Kyon… Kyon…"_

Who said that?

I began looking around for someone, but, strangely enough, there was no one there.

"_What, you can't see me? Ahahahahahahahahahahaha!"_

With that strange laughter ringing in my ears, I began running, when lightning flashed.

The lightning was strange enough, considering there wasn't a cloud in the sky, but then I ran into the shadowy image of a skeleton, which began to detach from the tree.

"_Do you see me now, Kyon? Do you? Or do you need a… hint?"_

Suddenly, more lightning flashed and a chainsaw roared to life. I turned around, only to see the shadow of the killer on a tree right in front of me.

I began screaming and running. You would do the same to, right?

"_Well, what's the matter, Kyon? Getting scared?"_

Who are you, anyway?

"_Who? I'm your shadow, of course!"_

Suddenly, my shadow started getting larger and larger until it turned into the shape of a humungous demonic beast. Then, the monster started peeling itself off the ground, and that's the last thing I remember. The next thing I know, I'm stumbling back into are camp.

"Kyon, it's about time!" Haruhi shouted. "Is Taniguchi with you?"

No, why would he be with me?

"Well, he went to go find you, didn't he? He was boasting to the girls about it…" Kunikida mumbled.

Does that mean he's out there with the killer?

"Oh no… it can't be helped. All just eat his portion of dinner." Haruhi said, grinning.

"No, Haru-chan, that's cruel!" Tsuruya-san shouted, grabbing Haruhi's wrist. "You should at least share it with us!"

Am I the only one who cares about Taniguchi right now?

"Pretty much." Koizumi said, grinning.

* * *

"Oh, it's so much fun playing around with the projectors and recorders... ahahaha…"

"Yes, Hiruko, I bet it is."

"Oh, Mukuro, I've got the defense systems set up, so no one can enter or leave until my little game is over." Hiruko said, grinning.

"I know what my job is." Mukuro said, grinning with him.

"Right. First, you target the lone guy. Then, another one needs to bite the dust. And by that, I mean you can finally kill them."

"Right, brother." Mukuro said, slapping his mask on and walking out the door.

* * *

Mukuro: Yay! I'm finally part of the story!

Hiruko: Don't forget, kid, so am I. And, I'm in more stories than you are.

Brian: And don't you both forget, I have complete control of the story and I can make you both die.

Hiruko & Mukuro: Sorry…

Brian: You might not know who Mukuro is, but if you don't know who Hiruko is you need to read more of my Fanfictions. I also probably won't update for a while because of school, but I'll do my best.

Separate note: Normal author will be back in about three weeks or so, so this story will probably be finished by then.

Till' next time, arrivederci.

Brian~


	3. Chapter 3

Brian: Sorry for not updating sooner, but I had my computer confiscated. This is (possibly) worth the wait, because people finally die!

~Text~ is when Hiruko is interrupting the action to speak

Mukuro: 7MukuroRealm7 does not own TMoHS, or he would not be writing this story.

The Escape-of-the-psycho-killer-with-a-chainsaw-and-a-hook of Haruhi Suzumiya

AKA

Haunted Forrest Syndrome

Chapter 3

* * *

It is dawn now. 6:28 AM to be exact. Somehow we managed to survive the night, but Taniguchi is still missing. Haruhi is currently in the process of creating searching parties.

"Koizumi, Kyon, Yuki, you check in that direction." Haruhi shouted, pointing in some random area. Did I say in the process of? I meant she was giving it absolutely no thought.

"Hey, Haruhi, shouldn't Nagato stay here and look after my sister? I mean, what if we run into the psycho killer?"

"Whaaaaat?" My sister whined, grabbing my leg and hitting it. "I want to search with you guys! And if the psycho does show up, I'll beat him up with my Imouto Punch!"

Sorry, sis, but you stay here.

"Whaaat? No fair!"

"Yuki, you have to watch Imouto-chan. And if anyone but us tries to enter the camp, you are to fight with all your strength." Haruhi shouted, before pulling Tsuruya and Asahina-san away behind her.

~Haruhi left out one important detail. And I can totally make use of it…~

I begrudgingly walked away, with Koizumi and Kunikida following me.

Taniguchi POV

8 hours earlier…

"Sigh… I can't believe Suzumiya-san actually made me come get Kyon…" I muttered, punching a tree.

"T-taniguchi? Are you here?"

Wait, that sounds like Asahina-san!

"I'm coming, Asahina-san!" I shouted, heading at breakneck speed toward the voice.

It only took me seconds to reach her.

"Oh, please help me, Taniguchi…" I looked at Asahina-san kneeling on the ground crying, her back to me.

"Hey, I'm right here."

"Oh, my hero…" She then got up with her hands behind her back.

"O-oh, it was nothing, really…"

"Don't be silly… you're such a hero…" She then took few steps towards me.

"I-I am?" When you are this close to such a hot girl, it's very difficult to formulate words.

"Yes, you are…" She then took another step closer to me, and a certain part of her body began pressing against mine.

"And you know what? I think a hero like you deserves a very _special_ reward…" She pressed her body even closer to mine, and gave me a sultry smirk.

"Really?" I can't believe it! This is definitely the best thing that ever happened to me!

"Yes… too bad you won't live long enough to claim it…" I didn't even have time to process her words, because her body started changing shape, turning into a kid with a chainsaw and a HOOK!

"Aaa…AHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

~Is Taniguchi an idiot or something? I mean, couldn't he tell that Mikuru Asahina was a complete fake? And what a horrible ladies man!~

This is going to take a while…

I could do nothing but complain as we walked around the forest, calling out for Taniguchi.

"Kyon, look!" I followed where Kunikida's hand was pointing, and saw the bloody, butchered body of Taniguchi.

"From the alignment of the bloodstains, I would deduce that Taniguchi somehow got murdered while hugging the killer, but why would he do that? Interesting…" I had called Haruhi's group over, and was now pretending to listen to Haruhi's demented ideas about Taniguchi's death.

"Kyon, we've got to go get Nagato and your sister! We've got an emergency on our hands!" Haruhi shouted, pointing towards camp.

"Sigh, I'm so bored…" It's been hours since Kyon and the others left, and my only company is Yuki. "And it's so hot out here… boy, I'd like something cold to eat…"

_Dingy-dingy-dingy-ding. A-dingy-dingy-dingy…_

"What?! Ice-cream!?" I couldn't believe it, but I could hear an ice-cream truck out in the distance.

"Hey, Yuki, can I go get some ice-cream?"

"…"

"Well? Can I?"

"…"

"Okay, I'm going!"

"…"

I ran off into the forest towards the ice-cream.

~Okay, rule number 1. When there is a psycho killer loose in the woods around you, don't go off on your own into the woods. But, Kyon's sister is not the brightest bulb on the tree.~

* * *

When we arrived at camp, Nagato was standing there still as a statue, and my sister was nowhere to be seen.

Nagato, where's my sister?

"The birth sibling of the human entity affectionately called Kyon left camp precisely 2 hours, 23 minutes, 48 seconds, 294389413972324 milleseconds rounded to the 15th decimal, and in normal time standards, she has been gone approximately-"

Nagato! Why did you let her go off on her own?!

"My orders were very specific. I was supposed to watch the human entity known to her friends as Imouto, which I did. I watched her walk out into the woods in that direction. I was also ordered to make sure no one enters camp, which they didn't."

But Nagato… oh forget it…

"Kyon, we'll worry about her later, it's getting dark. If we head out now, we'll just lose more people."

Fine. And that was that.

* * *

"Interesting… but work on the hook part a little… the last two you got using just the chainsaw." "Roger, brother." Mukuro said, walking out of the room.

* * *

Brian: Well? Surprised? You didn't think I'd actually kill off the characters, did you? Well, like I said, it was _inspired_ by TDI. Also, review and tell me who you want to die next. Anyone in the story but Kyon and Haruhi. And sorry for making a short chapter.

Mukuro: And remember to review!


End file.
